I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concepts of value and worth—how they intertwine, and more importantly, how they often get confused. As women, we're often told to bring value to the table. We’re praised for our knowledge, our expertise, our skills in the work place while simultaneously wearing the hat of home-maker and caregiver. These are the tangible aspects of what we contribute, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or communities. But then there’s this other layer—our worth. This is not about what we do, but rather how we see ourselves, how we believe we deserve to occupy the spaces we’re in.
Value is something you can quantify, to some extent. It’s the years of experience you bring to a job, the insight you offer in a meeting, the way you manage a project with grace under pressure. It’s easy to see why we might start to equate this value with our worth. After all, when you’re constantly being validated for what you bring to the table, it’s natural to start believing that your worth is tied to those validations.
But here’s the tricky part
What happens when those validations stop? What happens when you’re not the one landing the big deal, or when your work goes unnoticed? If your sense of worth is tied up in the value that others see in you, then the absence of validation can feel like a direct hit to your self-esteem. Suddenly, you’re questioning your worth because the external markers of value aren’t there to reassure you.
I’ve found myself in this cycle more times than I care to admit. Whether it’s the excitement of a new business opportunity or the anticipation of a promotion, there’s that underlying thought: This will prove that I’m enough. But here’s the truth I’ve had to confront—those external successes don’t determine my worth. They never did. My worth isn’t something that can be outsourced to the opinions of others or the milestones I achieve. It’s intrinsic. It’s the belief that I am enough, regardless of the value I bring in any given moment.
The problem with outsourcing your worth is that it leaves you in a perpetual state of seeking. You’re always looking for the next validation, the next acknowledgment, the next success to prove to yourself that you’re worthy. But what if, instead of chasing those external markers, we turned inward? What if we started from a place of worthiness and let our value flow from there?
I’m learning that when I believe in my own worth—when I truly believe that I deserve to be in the rooms I’m in, regardless of what I contribute—I show up differently. I’m less anxious about proving myself and more focused on being present. I’m more willing to take risks, not because I need the validation of success, but because I know that my worth isn’t on the line.
It’s not an easy shift to make. We’re conditioned to seek validation from others, to equate our value with our worth. But the freedom that comes from untangling these two concepts is worth the effort. When you stop outsourcing your worth and start believing in it as an inherent part of who you are, you begin to show up in the world in a way that’s both empowered and authentic.
So, the next time you find yourself excited about a new opportunity, ask yourself: Am I excited because this aligns with my values and passions? Or am I excited because I see it as a way to prove my worth? If it’s the latter, take a step back and remind yourself that your worth was never in question—it’s always been there, waiting for you to acknowledge it.
This journey to reclaiming our worth is deeply personal, but it’s also universal. We all deserve to occupy the spaces we’re in, not because of what we bring to the table, but because of who we are. And that, in itself, is enough.
Best wishes,
Mmakgabo
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