If you’ve ever felt like you’re just going through the motions of life, fulfilling roles and responsibilities but losing touch with who you truly are, you’re not alone. Many women, despite appearing to have it all together, struggle with a deep sense of being lost. They give so much of themselves to others—whether as a partner, a mother, a professional—that their own identity often gets pushed to the background.
I remember a time in my life when everything from the outside looking in seemed like a dream. On the surface, it appeared that I had it all together. I was managing my responsibilities and roles with apparent ease, and to many, I looked like I had everything under control. But beneath the surface, I felt numb. My sense of self, once so strong and familiar, had become a fleeting memory of a person I once knew. The vibrant, alive feeling I used to have had been replaced by a profound sense of numbness. I wanted that person back. I wanted to feel alive again, not just like I was going through the motions of life.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed when you’re juggling multiple roles. Society often celebrates women who can "do it all," but this unrealistic expectation can leave us feeling depleted. We wear many hats—caregiver, employee, friend, spouse—and in the process, we can forget the most important one: ourselves.
I’ve worked with countless women who have felt like they've disappeared amidst their responsibilities. They often describe a sense of being disconnected from who they were before their roles consumed their lives. They are so focused on managing everyone else's needs that they forget to tend to their own.
There are so many reasons as to why this happens. Let’s start off with just three. Firstly, the pressure to perform. Societal expectations can make us feel like we must excel in every role we take on. The pressure to be perfect often leads to neglecting our own needs and desires. We travel down this path so far that by the time we look back we can’t even recognise ourselves anymore and what we once wanted and desired for ourselves. Secondly self-neglect in the name of sacrifice is so real for many of us. Many women are taught that self-sacrifice is noble. While caring for others is important, neglecting our own well-being isn’t a badge of honour—it’s a pathway to losing ourselves. This is a tough lesson that I had to learn. Self-sacrifice results in you showing up as the worst version of yourself and often to those you love most. Thirdly the illusion of control. We often think that by managing everything perfectly, we’re in control. But in reality, this can mask our own needs and prevent us from addressing what’s missing in our lives. This takes away the opportunity to allow those in our lives to share in the burdens of life, so you are able to take a bit of time to yourself.
If this sounds like you then you are probably wondering how can I begin to reconnect with my true self? Well, I’ve got you….
The first and very important step is to acknowledge your feelings. Start by recognising that you’re feeling lost. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling, and it’s the first step toward change.
Then take some time to think about what you enjoyed before your roles took over. What hobbies or interests did you have? Reconnecting with these can help reignite your sense of self.
Carve out time each week just for you. It doesn’t have to be grand or elaborate—just a few moments of solitude can help you recharge and reconnect with your inner self.
Don’t forget to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to take time to rediscover who you are. You don’t have to have it all figured out overnight.
Don’t be afraid to seek support. Talking to a coach or therapist can be incredibly beneficial. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you navigate your feelings and guide you back to yourself.
Reclaiming your sense of self is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience and self-compassion, but it’s one worth taking. When you reconnect with who you are at your core, you’ll find a renewed sense of purpose and fulfilment that can enhance every aspect of your life.
Remember, you are more than the roles you play. By nurturing your true self, you’ll not only enrich your own life but also be better equipped to embrace and enjoy the roles you cherish.
Best wishes
Mmakgabo
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