I have a question for you, have you ever felt like you’re constantly juggling a million things and still falling short? Well, you’re not alone. Many people hold themselves to impossibly high standards, trying to be the best at everything—career, parenting, relationships, and personal growth. But the reality is, perfectionism often stops us in our tracks. It makes us hypercritical, afraid to start, or hesitant to finish because it’s never quite ‘good enough. We push ourselves to excel in every area of life, yet deep down, we carry the feeling that it’s never enough. At the root of this struggle is perfectionism, a belief that anything less than flawless is failure.
Let me share a little story with you. When my daughter was five, she started learning how to write at school. It wasn’t a great experience at first. She just wanted to know how to do it perfectly from the start—without the struggle, without the practice. Watching her frustration reminded me of an old saying: Practice makes perfect. It’s something I had believed for years, and yet, it had often paralysed me. If I couldn’t do something perfectly, I hesitated to do it at all. To help her, we shifted the focus. Instead of practice makes perfect, we embrace practice leads to progress. Slowly but surely, she started writing—not just her name, but other words too. And now, when things get tough, I hear her whisper to herself, “Practice leads to progress.”
Every time she says it, it serves as a powerful reminder for me too—to let go of perfectionism and embrace the journey of learning and growth.
Modern psychology tells us that perfectionism isn’t about being your best—it’s about fear and how we attach our worth to achievements. Simply put, the fear of making mistakes paralyses us. We either never start because we’re afraid of failing, or we do start but never finish because it’s never quite “good enough.” Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of not measuring up. It’s a defense mechanism, keeping us stuck in cycles of self-doubt. And because perfection is unattainable, we’re left feeling like we’re constantly failing, even when we’re making progress.
Perfectionism creates a cycle of self-criticism that keeps us stuck. When we set impossibly high standards, we become our own worst enemies. The moment we fall short, our inner critic jumps in: You should have done better. You’re not good enough. Why can’t you get this right? These thoughts fuel procrastination, burnout, and even self-doubt, making it even harder to accomplish what we set out to do. Rather than pushing us toward success, perfectionism actually prevents us from showing up fully in our lives. It tells us that we must have it all together before we take action but the truth is, no one ever has it all together.
So you might be wondering but what's the answer. The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. It allows us to embrace our flaws, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and acknowledge that growth takes time. When we’re compassionate with ourselves, we stop seeing mistakes as failures and start seeing them as stepping stones. We allow ourselves to begin before we feel ready and to finish even when it’s not perfect.
These are my go to ways for cultivating self-compassion. First, talk to yourself like you would a friend. Think about how you comfort a friend when they’re struggling. If they messed up at work, missed a deadline, or felt like they weren’t measuring up, would you tear them down? Of course not. You’d remind them that one mistake doesn’t define them, that they’re doing their best, and that they deserve grace.
Now, imagine offering that same kindness to yourself. Instead of saying, “I’m such a failure,” try, “This was tough, but I’m learning and growing.” Instead of “I’ll never get this right,” remind yourself, “Every expert was once a beginner.” Your inner voice should be your greatest cheerleader, not your harshest critic.
The next time you catch yourself spiraling into self-criticism, pause and ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, reframe it with compassion.
Second, remember done is better than perfect. How many times have you put something off because it wasn’t “perfect” yet? Maybe it was a project at work, a personal goal, or even something as simple as writing an email. Perfectionism has a sneaky way of keeping us stuck, it convinces us that if we can’t do something flawlessly, we shouldn’t do it at all.
But here’s the truth: the world doesn’t need your perfect version of something that never gets finished. It needs your real, messy, done version that can actually make an impact.
Think of a book that changed your life or a piece of art that moved you. Do you think the creator sat there endlessly tweaking every word or brushstroke until it was perfect? No, they put it out into the world despite their doubts. And because of that, it reached you.
So whatever you’ve been holding back on, starting that blog, launching that business, or even just hitting “send” on that email, remind yourself: Done is better than perfect. The world needs what I have to offer, exactly as it is.
Remember we are all learning. We are all growing. The moment we release ourselves from the burden of perfection, we give ourselves permission to truly show up, in our careers, in our relationships, and most importantly, for ourselves.
So the next time you find yourself stuck in the trap of perfectionism, ask yourself: What would progress look like today? Because that’s all you need to focus on—one step, one lesson, one moment at a time.
Wellness wishes,
Mmakgabo
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